How do you spell relief?

We visited the good folks at Banner Desert tonight.  They are taking good care of us, and Deb is soundly asleep now.

Adaptation through the impossible

It has been amazing to watch Deb push through a week of the most arduous hell I've ever seen someone experience.  She has in one short week figured out how to master her morning sickness.

This seems like yet another way we humans can adapt, even when we think we can't.  Even when we can't imagine what "the other side" will look like, with God's strength encouraging us, we move along.



When we started, neither of us knew what it would be like.  We had read books, blogs, scoured the internet.  We had no ideas really.  Nothing was a real preparation for the actual experience.

This shows the difficulty of studying things I have not yet experienced.  How can I glean more substance from the breadcrumbs our predecessors leave for us?  Those are the questions I'm pondering in this area.


Meantime, prayer and the knowledge that others have gone before, help.

Jobless and loving it.

God has given me the opportunity to have something of a retreat with my wife for the last few months.  We have gone through some of the most painful times, and have continued to work to encourage and love each other through it.


It is pretty awesome to be able to hang out every moment with my wife, to be her partner and her support.

Training regimen for humans

The horror for the wife that is morning sickness, and the corresponding work that the husband must do, are one of the rare (thankfully) and painful growth times that God has given us.  This week I've had the privilege of seeing my wife become the champion of her own morning sickness, pushing through some of the toughest physical and mental time I've ever seen someone go through.  I'm prouder than ever of her.

The work this week has been hard, the sleep hasn't been great.  It's been painful to hear Deb viscerally suffer.  Now that a week has passed, we've learned a whole lot, and feel closer to each other and better for the experience.

So, the nutshell my tips for husbands to survive morning sickness.

• Yes, it sucks, it's painful.  Keep 100% of your attention on your wife's experience here, and use what you learn to adapt.  Stop, listen, and appreciate the pain.
• Keep hydrated no matter what. Like a ruthless coach makes you run circuits, keep drinking water and/or electrolytes.
• Make a list of foods that work. Buy them. Use your time wisely.
• Read up on what others have experienced.  Yes, google morning sickness.
• Read it.
• Use your dishwasher.  (This was my monkey.  I liked hand-washing dishes as some sort of zen practice.  I now use the timesaving devices as much as possible.)
• Pre-portion the food, keep anything that is shelf-stable in small portions near the wife at all times.
• Medicines: well, you need to google it and decide.  We'll tell you if our children have anomalies.

I got to watch my wife go through the most agonizing, depressing, hopeless, awful experience, only to come out the other side, now having learned to handle it like a pro.

I spoke too soon...

While the Sea Bands are helpful, they too have limits. The morning sickness reached new levels overnight. For example, I can no longer ride in a car or walk down a staircase without... well... you know. Empty plastic bags are my new favorite accessory.

The doctor called me in a prescription for a powerful anti-nausea medication to be taken every 8 hours that has the added benefit of sleepiness, and she also recommended an OTC medication to be taken twice daily. Since I've already lost an unhealthy amount of weight and I'm having trouble keeping down the proper nutrition, she asked me to spend time off my feet and to increase my caloric intake as much as I can stand.

I've been reminded by Pete and close friends that the majority of women get sick during pregnancy, it isn't forever, and morning sickness is strongly correlated with healthy babies and successful full-term pregnancies.

Hallelujah! Relief!

Sea Bands. I was a skeptic.

They work. After suffering from 24/7 nausea for the last while, Pete and I were driven in desperation to the drugstore to procure as many possible remedies as we could. I put the Sea Bands on in the car, and snickered to Pete that I didn't think they'd work.

By the time we got home - my nausea was GONE. A few minutes later I realized my dizziness was gone too! WHAT A THRILL! Still plenty of fun symptoms, but nothing as distracting and disabling as the nausea. Wonderful!

Also, I got more happy test results today. My second beta blood draw test was supposed to approximately double in the time period between tests, but mine QUADRUPLED to 7429! Baby is growing well by all indications! At those numbers, it means baby already has a beating heart that can be detected via ultrasound!

We are meant for community

We had a lovely dinner last night with some good friends. It was very refreshing to be reminded from those conversations, a bit more about who I am. I know from Genesis 1:27 that I'm made in God's image, but it takes feedback from good friends to remind me of that.

It was nice to honestly share our feelings, our frustrations, our joys, and to know that we'll get together again in the future and look back (with new struggles) on when these present times seemed so important.

That reassurance is wonderful, it's creative, it's dynamic and vital. I am writing this down to remind myself, lest I ever forget and be tempted to pride and self-sufficiency, that without friends, my outlook is bleaker, it's hollower, it echoes with loneliness, I forget the image that God has placed in me.

With those friends, I know a bit more about who I am, and how to live today with great hope for the promise of tomorrow.

A letter to morning sickness...

Dear Morning Sickness,

I haven't known you long, but you have already worn out your welcome. I know how much you hate ginger, and plan on serving ginger with every meal until you leave: ginger tea, ginger snaps, ginger ale... Don't like it? There's the door.

How rude to demand attention, regardless of whether I'm asleep or in public! I will roll over and ignore you. I will eat a "triple ginger cookie" at 4am and sleep for another 3 hours. I will be vigilant and not allow you to catch me unprepared.

I am hereby declaring war on you, Morning Sickness. You will be conquered and subdued. You are temporary.

My first act of war? A ginger cookie and a nap. Take THAT!

With repugnance,

Deborah

And the lucky number is... 1806!

Today was a fabulous day at the women's clinic! After waiting for 3 long days, they gave me some test results that show baby is growing at a healthy rate! (For the medically knowledgeable, my hcg count on 4 weeks, 3 days was 1806!) This is such a big relief because, already, Baby Tebault has surpassed the numbers from our prior pregnancy loss by leaps and bounds.

We are awaiting another set of test results early next week (Monday or Tuesday). Once we have those results, we will attain another level of certainty which is my threshhold before telling the next batch of folks the good news. Wahoo!

What a week, stress and joy

This week, we had our first visit to the doctor, and had many of our questions and concerns (especially financial) allayed.  We found a wonderful place to get lab tests at a lower cost (but high quality.)  We were disappointed and stressed by having to wait much longer for results than we had been promised.  We found out after that wait that, "Yes!", our numbers were 1806, which mean that statistically, we're very pregnant.

Finally we took an evening and just relaxed, kept ourselves insulated from baby talk, work talk, finance talk.  It was a wonderful recalibration for us.  In that moment, and quiet moments like it, I get to look back and enjoy the feeling that, despite life's hurdles, there is real joy in this period of growth. We get to depend on each other and on God much more than before.  God has brought us here, the way he has, for a good reason.  He has broken down strongholds of pride, leaving us weak and vulnerable, and now he is pouring out his love for us in the form of peace and provision.

Onward!

First batch of doctor visits today!

This morning we achieved a wonderful milestone: we had a good doctor visit about Baby Tebault!

I was surprisingly nervous about today's visit, probably since my last baby-related doctor visit in 2007 ended with the doctor walking out in ominous silence, followed by a brief and clinical explanation that we were about to miscarry.

Today, I jumped for joy when the nurse and doctor both announced, "Congratulations, you are most definitely pregnant and everything looks healthy and normal!" Everybody in the office was eager to shake Pete's hand and tell us congratulations! It felt fabulous to get positive feedback without the shadow of worry dimming their ability to celebrate with us. I know that some people are really nervous about the possibility of us miscarrying again, and it dampens their joy for us - an unfortunate, understandable, but hurtful reaction that only a very few people have had. This makes the unbridled, joyous reactions much sweeter and more appreciated for us. We both floated out of the doctor's office on a cloud.

In other news, we are feeling some comfort on the prenatal care cost front. We met with a finance person at our doctor's office who specializes in helping people without insurance. She helped us pre-register for Baby Arizona (state insurance) and will learn in 21 days whether we were approved. If not, the doctor offers a cash payment plan that seemed pretty reasonable. We also found a Christian organization that is willing to do my all lab work for 1/5th the cost of the regular phlebotomy labs. What a blessing and relief!

I never thought we would be in the position of being pregnant without insurance. Although I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I feel such gratitude for programs like Baby Arizona and the Christian women's pregnancy center. So THANK YOU for paying taxes and donating to your church - you are playing an ACTIVE role in the health of our baby, the sanctity of life, and our ability to get care while we're in an unexpected, uninsured situation.

Please pray that one of us can find a job with insurance soon and praise the Lord for the care He is already providing for us! Love to you all!

This was not our idea. And we love that!

We're pregnant, unemployed, without insurance!  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!


How's that for timing!  We are thrilled beyond belief for the privilege of being parents. And, we know that this is certainly God's doing, and certainly his timing.  Goodness knows we've tried.  The difference now, that makes it feel very much like God and not us?  We recently decided it wasn't up to us.  We changed our mindset completely.  Before, we thought it was up to us to decide the plan, to work the plan, and to eventually execute plan baby.

But recently, we read some things that stopped our plans cold, and made us happy to lay them down.

We read two really key things.  One was a paraphrase of John Paul II, that each human is a complete person, created in the image of God.  We saw the outworking of that idea in this paragraph from a document called Donum Vitae: (emphasis mine)

"On the part of the spouses, the desire for a child is natural: it expresses the vocation to fatherhood and motherhood inscribed in conjugal love. This desire can be even stronger if the couple is affected by sterility which appears incurable. Nevertheless, marriage does not confer upon the spouses the right to have a child, but only the right to perform those natural acts which are per se ordered to procreation.

A true and proper right to a child would be contrary to the child's dignity and nature. The child is not an object to which one has a right, nor can he be considered as an object of ownership: rather, a child is a gift, "the supreme gift" and the most gratuitous gift of marriage, and is a living testimony of the mutual giving of his parents. For this reason, the child has the right, as already mentioned, to be the fruit of the specific act of the conjugal love of his parents; and he also has the right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception." (Donum Vitae)

We immediately knew that we had to scrap the plan, we had to rely on God to order our plans and provide our resources.

So, join us as we ride the waves.

POSITIVE!

Hello dear family and friends! If you are reading this post then things are progressing well with the pregnancy! We have experienced early loss before, so we want to be more sensitive this time and wait to tell most people the happy news until baby's health is more certain!

In the meantime, it is really hard not to tell each of you the good news! We must fight the impulse to tell each of you, our Starbucks barista, the checker at the grocery store, and the guy in the car next to us on the freeway. Instead, we must release our excitement in this blog to share with you at a later date.

We got our first positive test result on Feburary 6th (Superbowl Sunday). I was hoping it would be positive, but wasn't really expecting to see a second line when I went back to check on the test. When I saw the second line, I sucked all the air out of the room and said, "I see something!" Pete came running over, peered over my shoulder, and confirmed that he saw another pink line too! We smiled, hugged, kissed, and took some pictures.

Every day since, we have tested and the second line has gotten progressively darker - a great sign that baby is content to hang out in my belly! We are incredibly blessed and so excited! At first, it didn't quite feel real to either of us, but as each day has passed and we've seen "progress," we are becoming increasingly excited and so grateful for the little life God has chosen to be a part of ours.

This is truly a miracle in our lives because we have been told by doctors that there was a statistical probability we would be unable to have children. We are so grateful that God has shown Himself to be greater than our statistical label and our well-meaning doctors.